Letter in Ice
by Jessi28
Summary: Andy can't bring herself to tell Sam everything she thinks he needs to know. So she writes him a letter and puts it on ice.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: This is what that post it in a jar inspired me to do. Therefore I do not own Rookie Blue but rather owe it all the credit in the world for this quick little piece

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There it was. She had written that letter and stuck it to the inside of her reusable water bottle. The one they gave her when she started at the academy, the one she'd told Sam meant the world to her, the one that Luke hadn't mentioned he'd notice. That's how Sam would know how important this note was and Luke wouldn't ever realize she'd sent it. Filling it with water she stuck it in the freezer, putting Sam on ice again next to her previous attempt.

She had written it and figured out how to get it to Sam without Luke noticing. Now all she had to do was work up the nerve to go through with her plan.

AAA AAAAAA

Sam,

I know that you will think this is ridiculous but hear me out. Well okay read me out because this is a letter that you're reading. Don't tell me to stop over thinking this either because I'm not – I'm just trying to make this as realistic as possible. I can't tell you these things but you need to know them. You need to know why your name is on ice in my fridge and why this note is on ice in a water bottle on your porch.

I told you that I always choose the wrong guy. I told you that I don't date cops and I told you that I couldn't date you. All these things are true, for now. If my track record holds up then I chose wrong again when I picked Luke instead of picking you. He's also a detective and obviously not you so I still haven't lied to you about any of those things.

Here's where we get to the part that's important. The part you need to know. I didn't choose you because I knew, as soon as I found out that I'd screwed up your undercover work, that I can't handle you being the wrong choice. I thought you were hot when you were a dealer but once I found out you were actually a cop I knew. You are the 'bad boy' I have always been attracted to but you also happen to be the good guy I have always wanted to end up with. I swore I would never date a cop. Look at how awful and screwed up my life has been because my dad was a cop. That's why I couldn't date you then.

I have to finish things with Luke but I can't yet. I have to ride this train wreck until the end. I need you to still be there when it's all over with because that's the only way I can convince my mind to trust my heart. It's not fair that you have to be on ice in my freezer and wrong of me to ask you this, particularly via a frozen water bottle but there isn't another way. The situation is what it is. I want you to be there when this is over but I'll understand if you aren't or if you tell me that it's now or never.

Andy

SSSS SSSSSSS

Okay, the deed was done. She had only to wait for a phone call from Sam telling her no dice, he wouldn't help her. Then she'd know that it had all been a stupid idea and she wouldn't have to risk her heart any more than she had already done. If she didn't get that call, she'd have to wait for things to run their course with Luke and hope that Sam would be there like he always was. Right now, she wasn't sure which option she wanted more.

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A/N: It's kinda funny how these things seem to write themselves. I have an idea on what would happen next but I don't know how Sam should react. Let me know if you think I should go on and if Sam should wait. Also, the breaks between the letter and the other text have meaning to them. If you can figure it out, I will give you a cookie :) Thanks for reading and Thank you very much for reviewing!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I still don't own Rookie Blue but I do owe the inspiration for this to twotoe and the amazing review that I got about the last chapter.

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She was expecting the cold shoulder, hoping for a call and dreading a face to face meeting. She had no problem talking to Sam at work or even at the Penny but heaven forbid she talk with him alone. That kind of temptation could push her over the edge and as she had told him before and again in the note, she wasn't ready for that.

Not being ready for meant she sure wasn't ready for her doorbell to ring a half hour after she'd gotten home. Or for Sam's voice to be on the other side of the door. "Open up Andy! I know you are in there. I followed you as soon you left my house."

She opened the door, her shock about his last statement overwhelming her fear for the moment. "Why did you follow me?" Andy moved aside to let him step inside.

"Why do you think I followed you? I know that you have trust issues and that you prefer to be on your own territory when you have a confrontation. I figured that you left me something that could tell me what you are afraid to say to my face."

"Well, did you read it before stalking me?" she eyed Sam suspiciously. He knew her too well and that meant that he had more of an advantage than she liked.

He handed her the water bottle she'd left on his door step. "I wasn't stalking you and yes I read it." His words just hung in the air. For a while neither of them spoke. "I don't understand why you need to try with Callaghan when you think it's doomed to fail."

"I can't explain it either, I just know that if I don't try to make it work that I…I… I don't even know."

Sam took a deep breath. "Whatever, it doesn't matter if you only try to make it work so that you aren't my rookie anymore. You are afraid that I'm gonna hurt you and I can't promise that I won't. Life isn't fair and love doesn't just magically save the day."

"So you're telling me what exactly? I know love doesn't save the day, if it did my mother wouldn't have left us." Andy was on the defensive, shutting him down.

"I want us to work and so I want to wait for you."

"You have that but face. You want to wait for me but what? I told you that I know asking you to wait is unfair. You can walk away if you like."

"Andy, it's not fair but I can't walk away either. I feel something for you and you feel something for me. But I can't just turn down my life waiting for you and Callaghan to mess up. If there is another opening for an undercover job at another division should I stop my career because you might end up with me?"

"Even if we were together I wouldn't expect you to give up that for me."

"Then maybe you should stay with Callaghan. He wouldn't give up a chance to further his career for you." Sam was having trouble controlling the emotions in his voice. "I wouldn't and in the end that's maybe all the difference between him and me. He will walk away from you and choose his job. I don't want to walk away from you and right now you are only my rookie."

She stared at him dumbfounded. There wasn't anything she could say to that. It was true and in that moment she knew why she and Luke wouldn't work out. He would, no he does, abandon her. When he gets frustrated his reaction is to cut out and not talk to her.

"You still want to ride that one way train?" his voice was soft and low, the comforting tone he used to talk to victims. "I can't wait forever but if you get off at one of the next few stops let me know."

"What if I got off now?"

"We'd still have to wait. Too many people are suspicious of us and we aren't dating, you will have just gotten out of a relationship and I'm still your training officer for the time being." He stopped to look her in the eye before saying "But after all that, we try not to hurt one another. We can't promise it won't happen in the end but we can promise to do our best not to let it ever happen. We promise to give it our all because that's the only way we can make it work."

Andy starred at him. Everything he said was logical but she wasn't sure how logical relationships and feelings were. She knew that physical attraction wasn't logical, it was chemical and biological but it certainly wasn't logical. In the time that she was processing all of what he said, he had walked back to the door.

"Let me know what you decide. I can't wait forever for you Andy but I can wait for now." With those words he walked out her door. He wanted her to call after him, to tell him that she really was done with Callaghan and ready to be with him. Sam knew that Andy and Callaghan wouldn't last but he didn't know if he could stand watching the crash and burn that was rapidly approaching. He wasn't a patient man but his mother had always said that some things were worth waiting for. He was betting Andy McNally was one of those things and he was a betting man.

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Authors Note: Don't kill me for not having her pick Sam. I'd say that's what she's leaning towards at the moment and I know that I'm done with this story. It says and does what I think it needs to, you can draw your own conclusions.

Please leave me a review, even if you only want to tell me how cruel it is that I'm ending it like this.


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